Relationships of the Past

Sigh… once again, my dreams were “Haunted” by a relationship from my past, one that ended many years ago. For the most part, I don’t have any regret or animosity for 99.% of those relationships but why they come back to haunt me, is beyond me. As we know, dreams can only, very rarely, be taken at face value and are little more than reminders of things or issues we need to deal with, in our waking lives. I need to find out what these relationship-reminder dreams are trying to tell me… so far, I believe they are side-effects of my isolation from most human contact and are reminders of how satisfying and comforting human contact can be. So basically, my subconscious is reminding me of how alone I am and how much I miss relationships with others.
My day is already ruined though, the emotional distress that comes with these dreams puts me in a quasi-meditative state where I just dwell on the events in the dreams. I miss a lot of people that were once a part of my life, it’s a shame that none of them miss me at all, I never did make a very long lasting, or even GOOD, impression on anyone.

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The Missing Boy, Part 3

So now that I had “proof” that the missing boy was indeed at this abandoned nursery, or at least WAS there, I knew I had to get inside and look around.
I made my way back over to the entrance to the nursery which was a sliding, heavy wooden gate that rolled on steel wheels. The gate did not have any kid of shackle system in place so I didn’t know HOW it could be locked if it was so I grabbed the handle and pulled on the gate which slid open easily.
Looking inside, I saw the grounds of the nursery were almost entirely vacant. There were areas marked off with small, thin boards half-buried in the ground and sticking out only an inch or two. These served to create places for plants to be on display and each display had a stick or a post with a sign describing what the plants were, and I assume, the cost. A few of the display areas still had a plant of two in them but they were merely sticks jutting out of old black plastic pots with dried out soil inside. There were several light posts, like the kind out in the parking lot, only smaller, and they were situated around the display area. The lights were on but were dimmer and created a rather dismal and dreary scene. There didn’t appear to be anything useful in this display area, and no obvious clues to the boy’s whereabouts.
Looking around, there were two obvious areas to check out nest. One was the sales building over to the right, near the entrance, and situated up against the fence that surrounded the nursery. The other point of interest, was solid wooden “footbridge” that spanned what appeared to be a concrete aqueduct that ran along the back part of the nursery. I decided to check out the sales office first.
The sales office was small, wooden, but solidly built building, with a single door that led into it. The door was situated near the right-hand side of the building and was like the kind you normally see attached to a garage and it had a window in it, it was not any kind of security door. The building itself was only about 20 feet long and about 10 feet wide. I turned the knob and the door opened. I didn’t seem to realize that no doors or gates were locked around here at this abandoned nursery, it just didn’t register at the time, so I went in. Inside the sales office was a single room that was empty except for a sales counter immediately to the left. There was a simple cash register still on the counter but nothing else. Behind the counter was another door that appeared to lead into a back room. Again, this other door was not locked and the room behind it was also empty; it looked like a “break room” for employees. Well, the only place left to look was that footbridge outside and I should check it out and the aqueduct that it crossed over.
I made my way over to bridge and saw that a concrete aqueduct ran alongside the back of the nursery and was bordered by a short chain link fence, rather than the wooden fence that ran along the other three sides of the nursery. The footbridge was accessed by a chin link fence gate, unlocked of course, that allowed people to exit the nursery, cross over the footbridge and get to the other side where there was basically nothing but fields and grasses that were all around outside the nursery proper. The aqueduct and footbridge were clearly maintained and were not part of the nursery but likely state or county-owned and controlled. I don’t know why thee was a footbridge connecting the interior of the nursery with the outside, it just didn’t make sense. The footbridge itself was solidly built and made of thick wooden beams and boards. Below it, was a 10-foot wide concrete aqueduct that was about 8-feet deep. I walked out onto the footbridge and looked over the side, down into the aqueduct. There WAS water running through it but it was, only about 3 feet deep or so. The interior sides of the aqueduct were slanted at a 35 degree angle so that it formed a V-shape.
I stood there, leaning on the footbridge hand-railing, and stared down into the slow-moving water passing beneath me. Suddenly, but slowly, the semi-transparent image of a boy formed under the water. It was the same ghostly image I had seen in the green shack out in front of the nursery. Only this image, was of that of boy suspended underwater the way a a water-logged body would be, just bobbing in the surface. His eyes were blank and it was clear that this image was that of a dead child. After several moments, the ghostly images faded away. At this time, I had a revelation. The boy was indeed deceased, he drowned in the aqueduct. But why? How? What was he doing way out here? How did he get here? Was he brought here by someone and murdered? Was his drowning an accident? None of these questions could be answered. There was no physical body to prove the boy was even dead, only the appearance of his ghost, was the “proof” that I had. Maybe there were one of more key parts of the dream that I had completely forgotten after I woke up, or maybe I woke up before the dream to properly ended. I don’t know. But even after all of these years, this dream still bothers me as it has always seemed like I was being called upon to solve a mystery and the answer was being given to me via a dream.

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The Missing Boy, Part 2

I had to get into that abandoned nursery and look around. I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for but if I found a boy, or the remains of one, or anything related to where he was before he vanished, such as a recent ticket stub, then I knew I would be on the right track. As I faced the gated entrance, something caught my eye over to the right. One of those, “corner of my eye” things that makes you whip your head over. It seemed to have come from in front of the green shack over near the highway. I decided to check it out despite the fact that night had officially fallen, and I could barely see anything.
I walked over to the green shack and faced it, I saw that it was a simple shack with a simple door made from a single sheet of plywood supported by two hinges. The side with the handle, had a basic handle of the kind you’d find on any kitchen cupboard. One of those latches that you can stick a padlock onto in order to secure the door, was hanging open. With little hesitation, I grabbed the handle and pulled the flimsy plywood door open. There, in the darkness inside, I caught a quick glimpse of a transparent boy standing with his arms at his sides, and a blank expression on his face. Within the span of 2 seconds, he faded away from sight, and I doubted at first, that I had actually seen him. Only the dim moonlight and the residual light from the light poles on the other end of the parking area illuminated the area, but I was still able to see fairly clearly through the darkness inside the shack. It was a dream, so sense was suspended. I felt compelled to search the inside of the shack even though it appeared to be empty. I noticed fairly quickly that the back inside wall of the shack seemed to be placed much further forward than the outside of the shack would imply. Clearly, it seemed, there must have been a space between this interior wall and the outer wall of the shack; perhaps this was a false panel. I pushed on the on the back wall in it gave slightly. The wall appeared to be made of simple plywood just like the door and I scanned around the top, bottom, and right-hand side edge of this “wall” and found that there was a tiny gap. Clearly, this was another door but it had no handle and no visible hinges. I pushed forcibly on the right-hand side of the door, heard a click, and the “wall” gently swung towards me an inch or so. It appeared to have been held in place with a magnetic “clasp” like the kind you find on computer desks or other cabinets doors. Swinging open the inner door, I saw only more darkness, until I looked downward. There, on the floor of this hidden space behind a false wall, was a movie theater-style popcorn container. The container was clearly in used but like-new condition so it had been put there very recently. But why? Why was it there in this secret place? Was it hidden there? Was it left behind there? I had to enter the nursery proper, and I knew the rest of the answers would be found within.

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The Missing Boy

One of the dreams that has always had the most profound affect on me, occurred somewhere between 1991 and 1993, I don’t recall exactly, as I no longer possess that original dream journal. I had documented the dream in detail and even generated numerous drawings depicting important scenes and details about the dream including drawings of the dream’s location. What was the dream about? It was about a missing boy who disappeared from a movie theater where his parents had dropped him off.

The boy had no name, as far as I can remember, and his description evades me, although I would recognize him if I saw him right now. The only real detail that was presented in the dream, was that he really liked popcorn. The name of the movie he was to see, the time he arrived, the time the movie ended, the time he was to be picked up or expected to arrive at home, were all unknown. Somehow, for some reason, I became entangled in the search for the boy.
The boy was reported missing by his parents when he never showed up after the movie ended, and the next thing I knew, I found myself looking for him. I did not actually go searching around in or around the theater or even anywhere near the theater proper. Instead, I suddenly found myself on the edge of a single lane highway far from any cities, towns, or communities with just rolling green hills and mountains in the distance. The sky was dark and overcast and it was near dusk, with little ambient light available making the whole scene gloomy and gave the feeling of foreboding. Trees sporadically lined the edge of the highway in both directions and ran the full length on the right hand side but were more sparse along the left. Large flat fields of grasses and typical wild flora were all that could be seen when I looked out over to the left. Behind me, the road continued back about a mile into the distance until it disappeared over a rise and vanished from sight. Ahead of me, the road also continued on for about a mile and disappeared over a rise on the horizon. To my right however, there was something that required attention. It was at this time that I noticed a dirt driveway leading into a large dirt parking lot just yards ahead. Something was there, situated off of the highway and I was standing at the turn off that led into it.

Looking around at what was before me, I saw a 6-foot-high wooden fence surrounding what was clearly a commercial property of some kind. the fence ran perpendicular to my point of view and included a wooden gate that was clearly closed, and probably locked. Directly opposite the gate was indeed, a large dirt parking lot. Near where I was standing, close to the highway turn off and at the end of the wooden fence, there was a small green-painted shack or tool shed. At the far end of the parking lot, was a barbwire fence separating the lot and property from the wild grassy fields that surrounded the area. A number of shade-producing trees with full leaves were place along the perimeter of the parking lot. Standing in the far left corner of the parking lot on the property-side of the barbwire fence, was a sign on top of a tall pole. The sign had no legible name on it but the word “Nursery” was clearly discernible. Why the sign for this business was not closer to the highway and easily visible to customers was not something that concerned me at the time, only afterwards. Then the scene clicked and I realized I was standing in the parking lot of a plant nursery which appeared to have been closed down or maybe even abandoned. It’s name was unknown and it was apparently locked up. On the other side of the wooden fence, I could see the top of a roof to a small building which was probably the sales office for the business. There were light poles visible inside the nursery and a few outside in the parking lot as well. Not surprisingly, when I noticed the presence of the lights, they kicked on from their timers and helped illuminate the now fully darkened area. Abandoned but still with working electricity, I had to wonder if it truly was abandoned. I had to get inside and look around, for something told me that I could find out what happened to the boy somewhere in, or around, this property.

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Deciphering Dreams, or at least, TRYING to decipher them.

It has become clear that dreams serve a single purpose, and you can disagree if you want, but that purpose is for the subconscious mind to keep the conscious mind in remembrance of something. To clarify, if there is something I need to remember or if there is something that affects my waking life or has some kind of dramatic affect on how my life pans out, the subconscious mind will make sure that I do not forget it. This seems to even hold true for things that are perceived as “negative” by the conscious mind. The problem I find myself facing, is that the subconscious can’t seem to communicate with the conscious in any kind of easily perceivable manner. Almost like it is speaking in a foreign language and that dreams are some kind of translator that can’t do a very good job of translating.
I have found that when I’m being haunted by the same dream over and over, or by the same type of dream which may be a bit different every time, that it means that my subconscious is really trying to get my attention for something. As with the tsunami dream I used to suffer from, the subconscious really had a message it wanted to impart but I’m not sure what that message was. According to various resources, dreams about the ocean and tidal waves are supposed to signify that you are feeling overwhelmed in your daily life. I cannot recall the feeling of being overwhelmed as being that noticeable when I was on AD drugs. I DID feel it, but not as much as the constant dreams would have signified.
I still have total recall of dreams that I had way back as a single digit child all throughout my years up to the present. There is a reason WHY, and my subconscious is trying to keep me aware of many things but until I can decipher what it is trying to tell me, until I can decipher my subconscious mind’s own language, I will only be able to surmise.

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The Ocean and anti-depressants

I rarely have them now, but when I was on anti-depressants, I used to have daily, or nearly daily, dreams about tsunamis. At some point in the dream, I would find myself on or very near a beach. I would always look out into the ocean and would expect to see a tidal wave out there looming. Of course, since it was a dream, there would always be a tidal wave inbound. In most cases, the wave would be hundreds of feet high while still miles off the coast.
As expected, I would immediately make a break for high ground. Whether I was actually on the sand or on a street or city block near the beach itself, it always seemed like I had a lot of time to get away. Other people who where in the area would sometimes see the approaching tidal wave but most people seemed oblivious. In most cases, I would never be able to actually get to a location where I could escape the flood but, for whatever reason, I could duck into a building like a hotel, or a store, or an office, or a beach house, and sometimes, a rundown beachfront shack. As soon I I’d pass the threshold of said safe building the tsunami would come crashing down. There would always be windows that would allow me to see the outside and instantly, the building would be completely submerged and all I could see was cloudy, murky sea water through the windows. Oddly enough, no building would ever be damaged by the impact of the tsunami, not even the rundown shack I would sometimes dive into. Also, no water could ever leak in through windows or under doors. I would be completely safe inside the building and would have to wait for the water to recede, which would take several minutes.
Once the water was gone and I could once again see the normal world outside the windows, I would emerge. They damage, would only ever be a lot of soaked ground, sometimes some seaweed, and various people who survived the flood and were unable to get to safety, drying themselves off. Inevitably, and expectedly, another tsunami would quickly appear on the horizon and the whole experience would begin again. Frightening in appearance but basically totally harmless, these tsunamis would just keep coming until I finally woke up.

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